Rider confidence

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Lipsmackerpony88
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Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Mon Oct 19, 2020 4:16 pm

Rider confidence. Does anyone else struggle with this? I'm talking about psyching yourself out, negative self talk, not pushing yourself.

I'm so incredibly bad about this. I consider myself on the edge of a timid rider. But I'm hardly ever nervous about the horses. I'm nervous about failing, screwing the horse up, looking like an idiot. I'm not one to normally care about what others think but I do in riding for some reason.

Obviously this can be a big hurdle in progressing as a rider. I've definitely progressed, through hard work and pushing myself but I still think it's slower than it needs to be.

I'm obsessed with the basics, the details and my position. All sounds great! But I've been told by a few trainers that in some ways this is a protective tactic to stay in my comfort zone. Or that I over think things.

If any of you are similar, how did you get over it?

As far as a rider, I will ride anything that's not straight up dangerous. I feel comfortable throwing my leg over many horses. Horses can be nervous and I rarely feel nervous about that stuff. I'm somehow good about keeping my cool for that type of thing, because I know they need me to be there to support. It's when a crowd of people are watching that I turn to absolute mush. Or in a lesson, a challenging exercise will give me butterflies. Usually if I can do the task,I'm super happy. But my mind goes to, I can't do that!!! At first.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Ryeissa » Mon Oct 19, 2020 4:35 pm

Yeah, long standing struggle that takes many forms. For me I surround myself with good trainers, vets, and friends to help me see when I am ready to move up. I sometimes want it to be perfect before I move up.
As far as the safety aspect, I don't do things that are as risky- group trail rides, lot of jumping, etc. I don't really like riding other people's horses.
I know what is challenging with out being too big of a leap. I take regular lessons and have people ride my horse if I am having a particular issue or need to work something out.
I also choose a smaller/safer horse, he can be hot and spooky but in a way that I can still keep a relationship and support him in those times.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Mon Oct 19, 2020 5:18 pm

Ryeissa, sounds smart!! You are a lovely rider. I think everyone here seems like they are. Just a bunch of good riders!

I too sometimes want to perfect things before moving along. I also sometimes want to direct the lesson, which I don't think is always helpful. As in I like to suggest, can we work on this today? But too frequently.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Ryeissa » Mon Oct 19, 2020 5:28 pm

Yeah, I tend to suggest a general theme of what I want to work on (ie- I'm having trouble with half pass) but as far as how we do that- sometimes we see what holes are missing and sometimes we look at that exact movement. Thank you for the lovely complement! :)

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Mon Oct 19, 2020 5:49 pm

Yeah I do that too, but sometimes I think I need to let the trainer do more pushing me out my comfort zone instead of just always picking at certain things.

Watching or riding in clinics, I've noticed a theme with successful riders/trainers. The basics are super important and you will always need to address them. But on the other hand things don't need to be PERFECT to work on other things or move up. It's okay to take some risks or to "play" with things.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Ryeissa » Mon Oct 19, 2020 5:55 pm

Lipsmackerpony88 wrote:Yeah I do that too, but sometimes I think I need to let the trainer do more pushing me out my comfort zone instead of just always picking at certain things.

Watching or riding in clinics, I've noticed a theme with successful riders/trainers. The basics are super important and you will always need to address them. But on the other hand things don't need to be PERFECT to work on other things or move up. It's okay to take some risks or to "play" with things.



for sure! I have one trainer that is more "ride the test and get on with it" and another that is "no, lets drop back to sort out why that isn't working". Both have merits, and my horse is strong enough to try more stuff.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby blob » Mon Oct 19, 2020 7:07 pm

I've written some about my confidence woes lately in the monthly threads. But my confidence in the higher level work has been a real struggle for me.

Much of my riding experience has been with green/young horses/starting horses under saddle and that's an area where I have a lot of confidence. But as a result, mostly I worked with horses that then moved on after they got a certain point and going above second level work has left me somewhat terrified. It's less that I dn't want to move up or that I'm not willing to take the risks, but that I feel like i am not capable of doing it right. It's gotten to a point where I"m actually FEARFUL of riding a third level test. Logically, I know it's silly. I'm not afraid to put a horse's first ride on him/her, but riding a third level test? terrifying.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Mon Oct 19, 2020 7:33 pm

Blob, very similar to me. I have ridden babies, mustangs, super hot horses, buckers all that. Minimal nerves. But put a test together and ride it? I'm terrified. And at the root it's being afraid of not being good enough.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Ryeissa » Mon Oct 19, 2020 7:40 pm

yeah, for me it was second. I did a schooling show (no real shows this year) and it went ok. I pretty much have to just do it and then realize I am telling myself lots of untrue stuff. Ahead of that I did some extra clinics and things and all the news as super positive. (ie- move up)
I don't know if you guys do video but it helps to see myself from that perspective.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Mon Oct 19, 2020 7:54 pm

Video can go either way with me. I'm either horrified or pleasantly surprised. Lol

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Ryeissa » Mon Oct 19, 2020 8:33 pm

Lipsmackerpony88 wrote:Video can go either way with me. I'm either horrified or pleasantly surprised. Lol

same LOL. Once things started to come together for me for second I could tell the video showed a nice "vibe" and the movements were cohesive- far from perfect but not so much on the Struggle Bus.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Flight » Tue Oct 20, 2020 12:10 am

Lipsmackerpony88 wrote: But put a test together and ride it? I'm terrified. And at the root it's being afraid of not being good enough.


One of the most interesting things I've done, is sat and watched a dressage comp for the whole day, so entire classes with local people that I know (professionals) and saw them all make mistakes in their tests. Some were eliminated! Previously, I've only seen their FB/insta posts of perfect photos or snippets of video and thought I'm never going to be good enough to ride x level. Watch an amateur class, and even less perfect stuff going on. It's great! And no one really cares, like you feel bad for the person when things go wrong, but really everyone is just concerned about their own rides.

The other thing is don't be emotional about it and try new stuff. Horses are really forgiving. If you've never done a half pass or more collected paces - try it. Certainly don't force it, but try it. It goes wrong, so you stop and think about why and then what do you need to do to make it happen. If you don't know you go and watch/read/lessons etc. But try not to get emotional about it, be analytical instead. Don't think "oh I'm not good enough to do this". Think what do I need to do to be good at this!
The other thing is, it's not going to be perfect and expect less from your horse. When you first try stuff, an intention of what it is, one step.. then it adds on slowly but surely.
And the more you do this, the less you care about all that other stuff. If I have a lesson, I want the person I"m paying to find things I'm doing wrong and help me to fix it.

I'm far from a great rider, but my horses can do some cool stuff now and it's just been from experimenting and keeping the emotion out of it. Can I always do this?? Not always at the start, but generally yes I can now.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby goldhorse » Tue Oct 20, 2020 12:15 am

I am the Queen of timid riders. Years and years ago, I developed a fear of the canter depart. It is still eating away at me. Last year, I moved my Morgan to a new place where he suddenly regained soundness so I put him in full training. His canter departs now are lovely. No more of the running and rushing onto the forehand. I, however, now have to relearn how to sit the canter. So to maximize my chances of success, I surround myself with professionals that can help me with my journey and tune out the rest of the chatter from bystanders. Now to get rid of the negative chatter in my brain. I usually sing to do that. Bohemian Rhapsody is my current song and I think horsie is sick of it :lol:

As to riding tests and showing: When working in a high powered neurobiology lab, I used to tell the grad students "Ask yourself what's the worst thing that could happen? If you can live with that, then go ahead and do the friggin experiment" I take that attitude to showing. What's the worst that could happen? Fall off? Go off course? Get excused? Get a really really bad score? I can live with all those things. Some will say that's disrespectful to the judge a/o your trainer, but I don't mean showing in levels that you don't belong in. I mean that having a bad ride is not the worst thing that will ever happen to you.

As to mirrors and videos: I'm not a pretty physical specimen. I describe myself as "peasant stock"-short and squat. I psych myself up before rides by pretending that I'm Hilda Gurney. Go spend a lot of time in a gym lifting weights and watching your form so you don't get injured and you'll get over having to see your image. Divorce yourself from the image and make it clinical or analytical. It's not about your weight, your posture, that you're not as good as that rider you saw in a clinic or on youtube. Pretend it's someone else riding in a clinic and you're learning from their ride that they graciously allowed you to observe. Stop being so friggin' hard on yourself!

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby khall » Tue Oct 20, 2020 1:19 am

I struggle with being concerned riding Rip. He’s put me on the ground more than any other horse I’ve ridden. His got to is the spin 180 sometimes with leaving and a few bucks. But it’s that spin that is difficult to stay with. I’ve literally had him disappear out from underneath me one day at the canter. I had to have a talk with myself when he was five ( I bred and raised him). I either had to sell him or put my big girl panties on and ride him. It’s been a journey. Yet he’s got more training in him than his dam and most of my other horses.

I used to be worried about riding in front of others so I rode as a demo rider with several BNT of the likes of Jane Savoie and just realized there will be riders that ride better than I and there will be riders that I ride better than. I just quit worrying about it.

Now I love to ride in front of others though not big on showing. I’ve ridden in Spain and Portugal and with lots of different instructors over the years. One of the biggest compliments I had was in Spain the instructor said I was not a pretty rider but very effective.

I’ve ridden dressage long enough to feel pretty confident in the work but I also enjoy learning and riding with different instructors. Though my preferred training goes back to Nuno Olivera.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 1:52 am

Flight wrote:
Lipsmackerpony88 wrote: But put a test together and ride it? I'm terrified. And at the root it's being afraid of not being good enough.


One of the most interesting things I've done, is sat and watched a dressage comp for the whole day, so entire classes with local people that I know (professionals) and saw them all make mistakes in their tests. Some were eliminated! Previously, I've only seen their FB/insta posts of perfect photos or snippets of video and thought I'm never going to be good enough to ride x level. Watch an amateur class, and even less perfect stuff going on. It's great! And no one really cares, like you feel bad for the person when things go wrong, but really everyone is just concerned about their own rides.

The other thing is don't be emotional about it and try new stuff. Horses are really forgiving. If you've never done a half pass or more collected paces - try it. Certainly don't force it, but try it. It goes wrong, so you stop and think about why and then what do you need to do to make it happen. If you don't know you go and watch/read/lessons etc. But try not to get emotional about it, be analytical instead. Don't think "oh I'm not good enough to do this". Think what do I need to do to be good at this!
The other thing is, it's not going to be perfect and expect less from your horse. When you first try stuff, an intention of what it is, one step.. then it adds on slowly but surely.
And the more you do this, the less you care about all that other stuff. If I have a lesson, I want the person I"m paying to find things I'm doing wrong and help me to fix it.

I'm far from a great rider, but my horses can do some cool stuff now and it's just been from experimenting and keeping the emotion out of it. Can I always do this?? Not always at the start, but generally yes I can now.


Flight so true. I like watching clinics because no one is perfect and because so many people are still working the basics in at all levels. I got see Ali Brock get on a horse at a clinic and it was eye opening. She rode well but it was a horse who was a little behind the leg while the owner was trying to half pass. It wasn't "instagram" riding. It was real and at first it was pretty (but fair and firm.)

Not being emotional about it is such a tough thing. I just want to instantly be better. I have a decent amount of knowledge but getting my body to do it is another issue. I'm trying to be analytical because that does work!! Once I read that that's why the Germans do so well in Dressage. Because as a culture, they aren't so emotional and take criticism well.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 1:56 am

Goldhorse, are you me?! I also developed anxiety over the canter depart once. It started with a horse that was behind the leg and because I was "now a Dressage rider" I just over thought it. Then after riding for years and years, I suddenly could barely get a depart! And then it was a cycle. Thankfully, that's better now. I honestly just think, "okay, now canter!" Lol

It perplexed instructors though because I wasn't scared of the horse, wasn't scared of cantering. Just about doing a perfect transition!!

Good tips. I try to watch inspiring riders before I ride sometimes.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 2:01 am

khall wrote:I struggle with being concerned riding Rip. He’s put me on the ground more than any other horse I’ve ridden. His got to is the spin 180 sometimes with leaving and a few bucks. But it’s that spin that is difficult to stay with. I’ve literally had him disappear out from underneath me one day at the canter. I had to have a talk with myself when he was five ( I bred and raised him). I either had to sell him or put my big girl panties on and ride him. It’s been a journey. Yet he’s got more training in him than his dam and most of my other horses.

I used to be worried about riding in front of others so I rode as a demo rider with several BNT of the likes of Jane Savoie and just realized there will be riders that ride better than I and there will be riders that I ride better than. I just quit worrying about it.

Now I love to ride in front of others though not big on showing. I’ve ridden in Spain and Portugal and with lots of different instructors over the years. One of the biggest compliments I had was in Spain the instructor said I was not a pretty rider but very effective.

I’ve ridden dressage long enough to feel pretty confident in the work but I also enjoy learning and riding with different instructors. Though my preferred training goes back to Nuno Olivera.


Oh that's tough! Glad you got through!! I had a horse like that as a young teen. I'm happy to say any baggage from that is gone. My biggest fear is seriously people watching him. I am just too self critical I think.

And you are right, being effective is a compliment. I definitely don't get told that! I get told I'm soft and quiet. Sometimes that my position was good. But I want to be more effective too. Need to believe in myself to get there I'm sure!

I love taking lessons and I love riding in clinics. But I always feel a pit in my stomach beforehand that I might ride like an idiot.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby goldhorse » Tue Oct 20, 2020 2:31 am

Lipsmackerpony88 wrote:. But I always feel a pit in my stomach beforehand that I might ride like an idiot.


Tell yourself that you're better at something than everyone else around you. It may be cooking, knitting, science, teaching, child-rearing, glass-blowing, painting... It is something that you do as well or better than everyone in the audience. They haven't walked in your shoes. Therefore, they aren't worthy of judging you.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 3:06 am

A remember a few years ago I was a working student for an Eventer that also had her Bronze and was an L judge. I remember watching her other students and always thinking how great they were and how rediculous I must have seemed next to them. They were go getters, one had a beautiful position. Another was ambitious and brave. I was the only "Dressage rider." Then one day the trainer asked if I could take a lesson on her two eventing horses, whom she didn't really let others ride because she thought it might be helpful for me to warm up or cool them down at shows. Before I knew it, I was regularly exercising them under saddle since she was traveling.

Then one day she turned to me and said she was looking for someone to ride her 4th/PSG level horse. That she needed someone, quiet, calm, someone she could really trust. I was quiet for a moment, thinking about who I might know that would be a fit. Little did I know she meant me!!

The other students begged to ride her horses. These riders that I thought were much better riders. And here I was riding them. It boggled my mind. I seriously thought I was one of her worst riding students.

I've always been lucky to get to ride other's horses. Sometimes I still don't understand it because I see so much to improve in my riding. But I'm trying to tell myself that I at least have potential and can improve if I get out of my way. Still working on that part, obviously!

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Moutaineer » Tue Oct 20, 2020 3:46 am

I think what you have to realize is "the others" didn't show the introspection, self examination and the desire to improve that your trainer recognized in you. If you have a nice horse, you are very careful who you allow to ride it--so you should feel pretty happy, especially if she wanted you to warm her horses up at shows.

For myself, I'm largely old enough and resilient enough not to worry about who is watching me ride, unless its one of a few select people who just rub me up the wrong way anyway. Otherwise I'm a bit "eff it, I'm way older than most of you and I'm still out here doing it in some form, at least..." (I had some kid tell me I was "an inspiration" last year. I could have hit her...:))

But... I do have a significant fear of falling off and breaking my neck--it always feels like the most vulnerable part of my anatomy when I'm riding. I'm a fairly timid rider, but if I'm working with a trainer or clinician that I trust, I'll have a crack at most things they ask me to try as long as I think are fair to my horse.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 4:11 am

Mountaineer- I definitely try to remember stuff like that when I'm feeling down about my riding. She actually told me why later (she no longer trains but we are still horse pals.) She said that one of the students was too aggressive, would argue, wouldn't work on her flaws. One of the other students was just not knowledgeable enough in the Dressage although she is a beautiful rider! She was talking about these things in a different context but I never really thought about that although I guess I can see. And goes along with what you said. My passion has gotten me a lot of opportunities even if talent was lacking. I'm thankful for that. One time, over wine, Ali Brock told me that the Dressage world needed more people passionate and in it for the right reasons like I was (I flew to audit a symposium.) She also told my I sounded like a really great student. Even though she did not see me ride, that compliment ment so much to me because I really do try to learn and improve as much as I can.

Riding in clinics is starting to help me get over the people watching me thing. I want to learn so badly and don't want to waste the opportunity so I still go even if my stomach is knots at first. Thankfully, I'm usually fine once I'm mounted.

I think fear of injury makes more rational sense. Although I can see that it might be harder to deal with in your mind.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 4:21 am

There was a time in my life where I suddenly couldn't pick up the correct posting diagonal. For MONTHS. Someone pointed it out during a movement or something and I stressed so much about that that I could not do it.

It's kind of funny in retrospect. I seriously can go from schooling flying changes to stuff like that. No canter depart or a posting trot from overthinking and stress. It really is comical at times.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby khall » Tue Oct 20, 2020 5:27 pm

Liosmacker. It’s too easy to get in our heads in riding. My instructor that we lost to riding accident in 2016 was a big one teaching we have to ride by feel not by overthinking it. It just takes so much time to build that feeling! A lifetime and then some.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 6:19 pm

khall wrote:Liosmacker. It’s too easy to get in our heads in riding. My instructor that we lost to riding accident in 2016 was a big one teaching we have to ride by feel not by overthinking it. It just takes so much time to build that feeling! A lifetime and then some.

No joke! I think I'm the queen at it! The last clinic I rode in the clinician said that I'm over thinking it. I had a laundry list of things I wanted to work on. The Clinician said it's good be passionate but to let go and have some fun with it too.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby demi » Tue Oct 20, 2020 6:28 pm

I’ve been reading this thread and relating on a couple of levels. I did happen to have the fear issue resulting from getting violently ejecting from a bucking running horse and ending up at 61 years old in the hospital for a week, and the ICU for two days. Yes, older ones break more easily and that’s a real concern.

But the other issue I have is similar to Lipsmacker’s. I’m never good enough for myself. I can watch a video one day and think “hey, that’s not bad” and a week later watch the same video and think it’s so awful I can’t even watch.

I can’t change the past, but as some have pointed out in this thread already, we can look at the situation for what it is and then make changes to correct it. For me, 1.) I’ve spent many years on beloved horses that had real issues like navicular disease, etc. 2.) I’ve also spent many years just not having enough confidence in my own abilities, and 3.) I’ve ridden with too many wrong trainers, who made me feel inferior and incompetent and with my own insecurity complex, it just made things worse.

Even at my age, I think there’s still time to move ahead, so for those in their 30’s or 40’s or 50’s , well, wow! What potential you have for a satisfying future in dressage!

I love the training goals thread because it’s helped me to stay focused. And it can be SO hard to stay focused with one problem after another. But now, I feel that I am really, finally making progress and every riding day (almost) is satisfying in itself. ;)

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby StraightForward » Tue Oct 20, 2020 7:22 pm

I don't have anything to offer on test riding because I'm pretty sure I have an out of body experience 2 minutes into every test and wind up halfway through the test wondering how I go there.

But for every day training, I thought this article might be helpful in the sense that it's OK to test things and play around with things, and you're not ruining your horse if you attempt a movement and don't reach perfection, or even something that would be identifiable to an observer: https://www.artisticdressage.com/blog-c ... n-training I've only recently gotten more comfortable with lateral work because of riding exercises by just toying with them, at least at walk, in every ride, rather than thinking I need to perfect a 20m circle before thinking about riding a SI, for example.
Keep calm and canter on.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 8:14 pm

Demi, ouch! I understand why accidents with those kind of consequences make people a little more cautious. I've only broken my wrist once and had stitches on my chin another. But that was when I was a young teen. Still rattled me back then!

I too have ridden with instructors that didn't always help. Both were actually lower level types and I think it came from their own insecurities too. Some don't want their students to outgrow them.

Riding even occasionally with someone who at least acts like they believe I can improve makes a huge difference over riding weekly with one that tries to tear you down, play games with your confidence or avoid answering questions. It actually amazes me the difference.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 8:16 pm

Straightforward, that's a great way to think about it and I'm trying to think more that way.

I think it's one reason I like green horses. I just know that I need to be more confident and approach things in a playful way. Where on a more schooled horse I get more serious, doubtful of myself and overthink in the name of perfection.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby blob » Wed Oct 21, 2020 1:12 pm

I think if I owned a 'fancy warmblood' who was bred for the job I would have a lot of fear around 'am I ruining the horse?' Thankfully my oddballs help me at least eliminate that lack of confidence aspect. Though I definitely have moments of 'i'm letting my horse down because I'm not letting them live up to their potential' and then I have to remind myself that horses don't have a sense of performance potential. They don't care if we get a 70% or if they never advance another level. They don't know that an extended trot COULD be so much better. So, when I can remind myself of that I can believe that I am doing good by my horses as long as I am taking care of them and being fair in our training. And what is fair in training is also not the same for every horse. MM likes to be challenged, if it's new and hard she's more motivated. So, being fair to her is about raising the bar. RP is not nearly as confident and he likes to get things 'right'. So, with him things need to be a lot more gradual at least for now.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Ryeissa » Wed Oct 21, 2020 1:35 pm

blob wrote:I think if I owned a 'fancy warmblood' who was bred for the job I would have a lot of fear around 'am I ruining the horse?' Thankfully my oddballs help me at least eliminate that lack of confidence aspect. Though I definitely have moments of 'i'm letting my horse down because I'm not letting them live up to their potential' and then I have to remind myself that horses don't have a sense of performance potential. They don't care if we get a 70% or if they never advance another level. They don't know that an extended trot COULD be so much better. So, when I can remind myself of that I can believe that I am doing good by my horses as long as I am taking care of them and being fair in our training. And what is fair in training is also not the same for every horse. MM likes to be challenged, if it's new and hard she's more motivated. So, being fair to her is about raising the bar. RP is not nearly as confident and he likes to get things 'right'. So, with him things need to be a lot more gradual at least for now.


yeah, in my case I have a very talented non WB who can likely do PSG so I feel something of that tension. I am definitely the limiting step here.... But we have fun and seem to be doing well so it's fine.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Wed Oct 21, 2020 2:00 pm

I have people sending me some pretty fancy horses that even work in my budget. I'm thankful for that but there is definitely thoughts of "oh gosh I'm not good enough for those horses!"

For what's it's worth, I never ever look at a pair and think that. It's only about myself.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby exvet » Wed Oct 21, 2020 2:51 pm

I think the majority of us are our own worst critic. It's typical human nature for those of us who trend towards perfectionism as well as those of us who care about our equine partners. I had self doubt early on but my career definitely helped me put the riding and horse management aspect of my life into what I think is the appropriate perspective. While I seriously do not want to ruin my horse, I know that I always do my best to see to their best interest and that includes doing what I can to improve my riding and my training skills - maybe it's that continuous improvement mantra that I drunk the kool aid on back in the 80s/90s. I also being a animal cruelty investigator and expert witness know that my horses could fair far worse in comparison to much of what I've seen over the years. As for riding and handling myself in public I feel that in my profession I'm on stage 24/7. There is always someone watching my decisions and consequences to be paid. Most of the time it turns out okay. I also have done a ton of public speaking; so, to that end getting on a horse and doing what I love (my one escape and relief from all the professional and personal pressure) in front of others is relatively easy. The one defining experience that I always come back to was a clinic I was in at least 25 years ago. I had a fancy, dressage bred warmblood who was not an easy ride. Trainers would refer to him as having a 'prickly' personality. I was riding in the clinic and he was giving me attitude. There was the typical coffee cup clutching peanut gallery there with one individual being particularly loud about what she would do with such a nice horse and how my riding was just wrong for him. Usually I don't even pay attention (or can't hear) the rail birds but this time I did. I stopped what we were doing, dismounted and led the horse over to the 'nice lady' and handed her the reins. I asked her to show me how......................funny thing................despite her saying numerous times that if I ever wanted to get rid of 'that' horse she'd take him in a heartbeat................she just sat there with her jaw on the ground, sputtering. Oh and let me be clear, she was dressed to ride. In fact I watched her ride the hour earlier. While I did sell that horse on because he taught me a valuable lesson about loving what you ride and riding what you love (no matter what the peer pressure dictates), I also realized that you really must walk in the shoes of another to know what you would do in a specific situation and until you do, you have no right to criticize. Love what you ride and ride what you love to the extent that you are comfortable and having fun. It does not matter what others think. Your horse doesn't care so why should you.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Wed Oct 21, 2020 3:49 pm

Exvet, I love that story about the clinic!! That's awesome and hilarious that you did that. Seriously so true. So many will talk the talk but not step up to walk in your shoes!!

I guess I just think of myself as a lower level Dressage rider (I mean I am that ) and always will be. It's so hard to imagine moving up!

This board is really positive. Not all Dressage groups are. But I'm trying to stick with the more positive, uplighting crowd. And pretty much everyone here is a great rider and doing it!!

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby tlkidding » Wed Oct 21, 2020 7:48 pm

Take what you said about being more analytical but don't use it on yourself during the ride, use it to analyze the horse's reaction - try to think more as a trainer (even during lessons) and less as a rider/student. Yes you are a student and learning, but you are learning so you can train the horse to become stronger, straighter, better...

It may help reframe your analysis to less of "I am doing X wrong with my body" and more towards "if I do X with my body, the horse does Y, and how do we get the horse to understand I want Z."

We always say it's never a horse problem, it's always a rider problem but I think that may be holding you back. Think about being more experimental when riding and in lessons and then analyzing the result of experiment and trying again to get a better result.

It drives me a little bit crazy when I offer to let people ride my GP horse and they decline because they "don't' want to ruin him." I have standards for what type/level of rider will be safe on him, but if a single ride was going to ruin him, I would have to re-think how well trained he actually is. If you approach every ride, even on a schoolmaster, thinking that you are training the horse for better or worse, you won't ruin a horse if you are fair, especially if you have a trainer/instructor as eyes on the ground.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Wed Oct 21, 2020 10:18 pm

Tlkidding, this is really really good advice. I really think this will help me. Thank you!!

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Chisamba » Fri Oct 23, 2020 4:48 am

when I was little I got on the horse because it was fun. It was joyous, adventuresome and amazing. then I learned to train, to improve , to set goals and forgot how to have fun.

Now, I know, if I'm not having fun, it's highly unlikely my horse is enjoying it. my horses carry my weight, and the weight of my dreams. so it seems only fair to make them happy dreams.

to be honest, both my attitude and my horses have blossomed.

I despise the meme that goes around that says emotion has no place in riding. if course riding is emotional. it should be living. pleasant, fun, joyful as well as all those harder things, work, progress, accomplishment.

there is no such thing as perfect practice. it does not exist. it is a very bad goal. The problem is it was my mantra for too long. enjoy the ride, first, appreciate what the horse offers, and improvement is gradual. perhaps it should be so gradual you only notice it year to year.

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Lipsmackerpony88 » Fri Oct 23, 2020 2:23 pm

Chisamba, good point. I do not show these days so I'm not super goal oriented in that way. I do want to improve to be a better rider for my horse. But I do take it so seriously and beat up on myself so much that it certainly can make it not fun. If I make mistakes I definitely get upset with myself... which is not actually helpful.

But I'm trying to just enjoy being on the back of a horse at all. :)

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby heddylamar » Fri Oct 23, 2020 2:43 pm

My mostly retired mare, Anzia, trashed — and I mean trashed — my confidence. Even riding a friend's older been-there-done-that eventer, I was a nervous mess. It took a lot of time in the saddle of a 4yo Maia, wrapped up in a crash vest, to regain my normal loose relaxed confidence in the saddle. Now, when Maia's a dork — like the other day when she started crow hopping the moment I sat down in the saddle (I think the litter of kittens under the mounting block spooked her) — I just calmly go on about my day. Okay, and laugh at her antics :lol:

Anzia isn't a bad horse by any means. She's just very nervous, and needs a rider who's confident all the time. We had a few bad crashes in a row that surprised me and injured us. It rattled me too much to be her reliable safety blanket, and I quickly quit riding her. Until then, we'd had a run of 15+ years of me holding her hand through everything scary :roll: I'm riding Anz again with no problem, thanks to Maia's confidence boost. Each time I sit down on Anz I wonder why I quit riding her — she's a wonderful ride :)

As for confidence in my own riding, I know I am not a perfect rider by any means. But, I do know I have a solid foundation, good working equitation (rode with a dressage trainer for many years who drilled on position ;) ), and am an effective rider. And then there's the wandering left hand ... left shoulder that does it's own thing 99% of the time ... and my love of looking at the ground about 15' ahead of us :oops: Even over jumps :roll:

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Re: Rider confidence

Postby Flight » Thu Oct 29, 2020 10:36 pm

I agree with you Chisamba. When I say you can't be emotional I didn't mean you can't find it fun and exciting and enjoyable! I love those feelings of the little increments of improvement - it's why I do it.
It's letting the negative stuff stop you that's no good. But the negative stuff is there for a reason too, but it's worth analysing why it's there. Is it preservation? Is it not feeling right because it's not right for your horse (ie you are asking too much of what it can offer at this time?)


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