The power people can have over you
Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2016 6:21 pm
I'm up there in age, kind of a been there down that person. Friends would tell you I'm very independent and rather strong willed. I've made myself that way. I grew up in a home with a father that was abusive. He would have terrible temper "tantrums" and if you were anywhere in the vicinity you would get beat.
So fast forward to being an adult and I have made a good life for myself. Great job, friends, horses, etc., not so good with a couple of marriages, but hey, I'm happy.
Enter new manager several years ago. I had always excelled at my job, people wanted me on their crews. But in the space of 4 years I've gone from excellent employee to barely mediocre. I kept asking myself what the hell is wrong? Why am I becoming a crap worker? My job has changed, I don't like it anymore but I've always prided myself on doing the best I can no matter the circumstances. Do your best and never quit trying had been my mantra. And then 5 months ago my manager retired. Holy horse feathers I am doing great. I still don't like my job, but I'm in it 100% . I'm getting projects done on time and with good results. What has changed?
This morning it hit me like a ton of bricks. The old manager was verbally abusive, he threw things when angry and never gave praise. I believe subconsciously I related his behavior with my father's and it made me shut down. I think I can understand a bit of what people living with domestic violence go through. Never did I think that feelings had as a child could still be with me. The helplessness, the fear. It's crazy!
Now that I know this part of me, I will be aware of triggers. Be it a person's attitude, behavior, whatever. I will not let anyone bring me down like that again!
If you made it all the way through this post, thanks for listening! I can tell you it had even made a difference in my relationship with my horse. Don't let someone bring you down, we are all worthy of respect.
So fast forward to being an adult and I have made a good life for myself. Great job, friends, horses, etc., not so good with a couple of marriages, but hey, I'm happy.
Enter new manager several years ago. I had always excelled at my job, people wanted me on their crews. But in the space of 4 years I've gone from excellent employee to barely mediocre. I kept asking myself what the hell is wrong? Why am I becoming a crap worker? My job has changed, I don't like it anymore but I've always prided myself on doing the best I can no matter the circumstances. Do your best and never quit trying had been my mantra. And then 5 months ago my manager retired. Holy horse feathers I am doing great. I still don't like my job, but I'm in it 100% . I'm getting projects done on time and with good results. What has changed?
This morning it hit me like a ton of bricks. The old manager was verbally abusive, he threw things when angry and never gave praise. I believe subconsciously I related his behavior with my father's and it made me shut down. I think I can understand a bit of what people living with domestic violence go through. Never did I think that feelings had as a child could still be with me. The helplessness, the fear. It's crazy!
Now that I know this part of me, I will be aware of triggers. Be it a person's attitude, behavior, whatever. I will not let anyone bring me down like that again!
If you made it all the way through this post, thanks for listening! I can tell you it had even made a difference in my relationship with my horse. Don't let someone bring you down, we are all worthy of respect.