DefinitelyDressage.com

“Stop picking at each word directed to you like a scab, and I could tell you observations from my heart.
Would you like that?”


It took me 30 minutes to compose a 3 line reply. And all I could think was “I didn’t sign up for this”.

I asked myself what then, I did sign up for? Because a site like Match is implicitly designed for people who want to form a reciprocal emotional bond with another human being. If I wasn’t capable of that, then I should delete my profile, so I did and the weight of unfulfillable expectations lifted.

“Doesn’t suffer fools gladly” often applies to me, but I find myself being unable to suffer anyone, even nice, intelligent, kind people, gladly. So to be asked if I want to listen to a discourse on how crap I am as a human being makes it easy to answer - no. No I wouldn’t like that. Like being called into the headmistresses office to be told how disappointed she was. How I’d let myself down. Talks designed to build character.

I’ve had my character built enough over the past two years, thank you anyway.

And now I shall dress up the “it isn’t you, it’s me” conversation. How you deserve to find someone who isn’t a emotional cripple. How terrified I am to have found someone who interests me on the very first try, making me second guess my judgement, telling myself I can’t trust my instincts.

But I’m not going to say any of this. Instead I typed

“Frankly it sounds terrifying.

May I buy you dinner next week?”

and pressed Send.

Maybe I should start a forum for online matchmaking support?

I'd have to get a good friend of mine to join. She's had SO many bad experiences she could write a book. I hope yours are better!

I coffee with someone yesterday.

"You said your politics are 'Liberal', what do you mean by that?"

"Being British, I'm a European Liberal. We call ourselves Socialists"

And he actively flinched. A little bit of coffee slopped out of his cup and onto the table.

"It's not a moral failing" I continued gently.

I don't know the rest of your story, but I feel your pain. I did online dating on and off for a long time without success.

Honestly, I believed I'd always be single.

But then I found my current boyfriend (we just celebrated our 3 year anniversary).

Just keep moving forward! You never know, it could work out!

"Next!"

bascar wrote:I coffee with someone yesterday.

"You said your politics are 'Liberal', what do you mean by that?"

"Being British, I'm a European Liberal. We call ourselves Socialists"

And he actively flinched. A little bit of coffee slopped out of his cup and onto the table.

...that made me lol, literally.

Being newly single myself, thinking about delving in to the dating world makes me want to hurl. Good on you though. I'll just wait for the stork to magically drop off someone perfect on my doorstep.

Emmalou- no storks! They drop off babies, not relationship material!

Bascar: please do not stop going on dates. I couldn't bear not hearing about them.

I tried, had some good times, some bad times, over a ten year period. Got crazy frustrated, 'gave up' several times. Pretty much like 'old fashioned' dating I guess.

DH and I just had our 4 yr wedding anniversary last month. We were engaged after 4 months of dating, married in 8 months. He is absolutely everything I was looking for...and some things I didn't realize I needed to be looking for. I am so very glad I stuck with the Internet madness. And btw, his profile got my interest but i wasn't so sure about him in the initial emailing stage. That quickly got waaaay better. First date amazing, second date we both thought it had crashed and burned. He pulled it off at the end of the second date with an incredibly thoughtful gesture and an offer to help the Rescue that showed his good heart and work ethic. Every date from that point on was easy, comfortable and wonderful.

Good luck!

My best GF met her husband on Match. They had both been single a long time and were in their mid-late 40s. They've now been married 8 years and are really happy. I dated for five years after my first (disastrous) marriage and finally met my current husband in a bar, I asked him to dance!
I still love him very much, we just had our 25th wedding anniversary. I think dating is hard, but it's worth it!
Hang in and I also love hearing your updates on how it's going.

scruffy the cat wrote: Bascar: please do not stop going on dates. I couldn't bear not hearing about them.

This! Hang in there, bascar.

scruffy the cat wrote:Emmalou- no storks! They drop off babies, not relationship material!

.

Another thing I haven't had to worry about for a decade. Blech. A lot of my friends are having babies. No thank you!!