Feeling grinchy about Christmas

[capstone]

Back story...I was realizing I only have 2 more weeks stateside before Christmas and so I need to get on the ball with my shopping.

So I asked DH to text his sister to see what her kids are interested in these days. SIL replies back that her DD would really like a nice <blah> (what it is doesn't matter) but that she would like to pick out her own so we should just give her cash.

Is this the new normal? I really hate the idea of trading cash and this seems what Christmas has become for most of my family, whether actual cash or gift cards.

[silk]

I'm a bit like said kid... I'd rather get nothing that something I don't want or won't use... So gift vouchers are great for me (assuming they're from a shop I will buy from!).

At the end of the day, if you don't want to buy gift cards, don't. Get something else. Or get nothing. It's a gift from you, you can give whatever you want.

[Figgy]

kids get too much these days.

In our family we're going with the less is more - perhaps instead of presents the cash can go to sponsoring a goat for a poor family in Africa and she can get the card that goes with it

[clanter]

give a goat in the kid's name... then she might think about how well off she really is ...there are multiple sites that will help you do that

http://gift.savethechildren.org/site/ap ... Ar-g8P8HAQ

[piedmontfields]

Agree with the donation idea.

Or, if you give "cash", give stock in a company who makes products she loves. Never too early to start investing...

[DollarHorse]

Sounds about right me, sadly. My dad's family had ruined me on the holiday. The adults do a 'gift swap'... I call it the the great $100 gift card exchange, because that's all it ever amounts to. Then the people with kids provide a long list of acceptable toys. After finding something nice and unique for my niece one year and it being made clear that that was NOT acceptable, I just stopped. The kids have a million toys, and I have no relationship with them anyway. They see me at weddings and funerals.

DH's family, on the other hand, is super fun to find gifts for because they appreciate fun, silly or unique. (And yes, my FIL did the goat thing one year and I thought it was brilliant. We don't need anything.) And if I forget to ship it and they get it for New Years no one makes passive aggressive comments.

[Chisamba]

, if you take a lot of thought about giving a gift, and it is not appreciated, that to can be very difficult.

That said, I do remember how exciting it was, as a child, to have money of my own to spend, so empowering.

[Rockabilly]

I also was having trouble deciding what to give certain people. I really hate that Christmas has turned into a commercial endeavor for stores. I thought and I thought and I finally decided. I "adopted" elephants at The Elephant Sanctuary in Hohenwald, Tennessee. My adoption fees took care of 3 elephants in my friends names all year even snacks! I adopted one named "Billy" for myself.

[PaulaO]

Billy, when I win the lotto I'm opening an elephant sanctuary. I will look into donating to the Tennessee one. Last year I gave my sister a goat and she loved it. We didn't get to name it though.

I hate the thought of giving and getting cash or a gift card, unless it is to buy something specific. Like, here's a gift card from SmartPak to buy the Dubarry boots you long for.

[Rockabilly]

What is interesting to me is that the elephant sanctuary is about 30 miles from where I live. I have never been because they don't allow visitors. It does make a unique Christmas gift. http://www.elephants.com

[Kelo]

I hear you, but to be fair, I have gotten my share of gifts I don't want. Things that cost quite a bit of money but were clearly bought for the gift giver's interest, not mine. Then what do I do with a gift I can't use and don't appreciate? I have to re gift it or throw it away. It is a waste that irritates me, might as well just set $50 on fire! Especially if I asked for a reasonable gift that I could use....except it was money (gift card) and that wasn't "good enough" for the gift giver.

But it's your money. If cash won't work for you, just do as suggested above and give to a good cause in their name. Then at least you're not wasting the money. I have used kiva.org....you give microloans ($25) to people around the world in need. They pay it back and then you can reloan it. Lets you be involved because you can pick who you donate to. That might be a thought?

[StraightForward]

I feel lucky that my family and I don't "do" Christmas any more. DH just finished the "shopping" for his family which meant buying Starbuck's and Amazon gift cards for everyone. They'll probably buy me a Starbuck's gift card to, so really what's the point? Why not just buy our own coffee all year and save the hassle? One year they bought us a gift card for a chain restaurant that doesn't even exist in this state.

OTOH, yes, terrible gifts are probably worse than gift cards. I'm at a point where I am constantly decrapifying my house and don't want anyone buying me tchochkes because our house is pretty spare on decoration on purpose. I had an aunt who was famous for this and a few years ago my husband jokingly told her (after a couple drinks) to not buy us any more stupid crap. I hope it didn't hurt her feelings, but it did seem to work. Sorry Aunt Clara.

[boots-aregard]

If this isn't a perfect illustration of what Christmas has become for so many...

There are wonderful things about Christmas. There are close friends who really understand each other and give *perfect* reminders of how much each one is appreciated. There are families in need who are so happy for the limited giving they can do. There are even gifts to children that teach and really open their eyes (like the stock idea might be, depending on the age an sensitivity of the kid in question). There is family time together, there are social activities to bring remote people closer together, and there are all the religious aspects that people find comforting.

But there's also just so much 'going thru the motions'.

DH and I don't "do" christmas anymore, even with our kids. If I find the "perfect" gift for someone, I buy it when I find it and give it then. If I have to buy a gift, I send a donation. DH and I are not religious, so that part is not important to us either (except for the annual Carol Singing over at the Williamses. We always go!) I also do an activity with the grandkids.

I've got this friend who is Christmas-Crazy, and she's so disappointed I won't join in. But she does the kind of Christmas that retailers just love, and I can't do that anymore.

[capstone]

Going through the motions. Exactly. There is very little enjoyment anymore.

I do enjoy shopping for a special gift but if it is not appreciated (because they know better what they would like), then why bother.

DH would like to go a different direction. I'll suggest the donations.

[Rockabilly]

My husband and I don't do Christmas either. When we want something we get it. It doesn't matter when, but I do remember years and years ago when I did Christmas shop and I spent hours and hours trying to find the perfect gift for my sister. She took it back to the store and got credit for it to get something for her children.

[Paints]

My family is not into gifts so for years I only bought for my nieces. They became adults and then I shopped for no one. My DH's family is a bit more gifty buy they live the other side of the country and we would spend as much on postage as the gift so we either don't gift by mutual agreement or we donate in their name. Christmas became so much more fun! I don't have to battle malls and instead as Christmas approaches we go to Christmas festivals or plays or concerts each weekend and really get into the spirit.

ETA: the best fun I have had Christmas shopping is the UDBB gift exchange in the past. It was so much fun to research the person I got and to try and find something that was as unique as I could get from my part of the world that they would enjoy. I am not participating this year because this year sucks for me, but I am looking forward to next year!

[Chancellor]

I have stopped doing the gifts thing. The trading money thing also really stinks. If you must get them something, get them lottery tickets!

[Racetrackreject]

I've been feeling it as well, and it's mostly because of myself. I'm the returner, the bad person, the person no one wants to buy for. I will say that people will ask me for lists of things and I will make a comprehensive list, with links, descriptions, and photos, then the person will buy nothing on the list and opt for something that is nothing I would ever choose. Everyone who knows me knows that I do not have pierced ears, but yet, I will get pierced earrings for Christmas, or something western because "you like horses", or something in either XXXL or child's small. Then the giver is gobsmacked that their XXXL item hangs to the ground and could wrap around me 3 times or that the child's small won't close over my 34FF breasts. Really?

Ok, sorry, that turned into a rant. I guess my point is that I tried for years to find thoughtful gifts for people, something that was innately them, only to receive items I could never use and were in no part representative of who I am or what I stand for. Because of this, I have started picking whatever mindless thing I come across and giving gift cards.

I will admit though that I'm pretty excited about my brother's Christmas gifts this year. He is autistic and into dragons and knights and things, so when the SO and I attended the Renaissance Fair a few weekends back, I had a blast searching for gifts for him. I ended up with a big stuffed dragon puppet (from SO), books of hand-drawn art for him to color, and a leather bound journal (he is always writing something) with a gorgeous stamped cover in a Celtic pattern which you turn over to reveal a stamped dragon imprint. He will love it.

My mother still asks for appliances... I've tried to buy her other things, but she takes it all back.

The SO and I had decided that we weren't doing gifts this year, but then he reinstated gift giving because he found something he wanted to buy for me. Now I'm stuck with what to buy for him. He's pretty picky about things and I bought him a gift for his birthday on November 18th that he has deemed the most awesome gift ever (Amazon Echo). I'm not sure how to top that. I'm considering doing the micro-loan thing and then getting him something as well.

I will also admit that my DD secret Santa this year is going to be a hard one for me. I do have a few things picked out, small things, but I'm not really sure what else to do/get for this person. I am determined though!!

[VBOpie]

My husband and I are very anti-toy (especially since most of them are made in China). All my grandkids have more toys than they know what to do with, so we opt for experiential presents - things like camp, or a season pass to the zoo or botanical gardens (our local gardens have a wonderful kids section), or maybe a movie pass(Star Wars is coming). More than one person can contribute to these things, too, so if something is cost prohibitive, that can make it more affordable.

[PaulaO]

I have a small family. It's me and my sister. I have no kids, her children are grown and live out of state. I don't send them gifts, although I send my nephew's daughter (who is 3) a gift. This year she is getting a sock monkey jack-in-the-box.

I don't believe in buying presents just to buy presents. I have a friend who buys for her 95 year old aunt, and the person she sees once a year and lives out of town, yaddayaddayadda. That's fine, but she stresses about it and it takes all the fun out of the holidays.

I love the holidays. I love everything about Christmas--the cold, the lights, the store windows, everyone is in a good mood, there's lots of food floating around, the decorations. I don't care much about the day itself, but I love everything leading up to it. Most of the time I pretend I'm a kid again, making a list for Santa, listening to the old songs, remembering what it was like to be a kid. I miss not having a family, but it sure makes things less stressful.

RTR, buy your mom a fridge!

And P.S. This best not be yet ANOTHER year without a pony from Santa.

[MissDee]

We don't really do store-bought Christmas gifts any more either - all the kids in the family are grown, and the adults don't need *things*. Every summer I make and can jam, which I love to do, and so that's what we send. Each of the family units gets 4 or 5 jars of various varieites of homemade jam, and that's what I give the people I work with too. Sometimes I make candy around the holidays and send some of that as well, but not always. I have only recently learned to quilt (and am totally obsessed with it), so this year I'm in the process of making a small lap quilt each for my sister and my mom, and they're going to get those also.

[Abby Kogler]

I must be simple minded >;-> I buy presents that I think the person will like, and I appreciate anything someone gives me. I just donate it or regift it if its really something I cant give a home to. There is nothing that can wreck Christmas for me. I have had some terrible Christmases, with deaths and poverty and loneliness...but I always love it anyway. I never stress about presents, or care what people give me. I see things all year long and put them in a closet and go through them and sort out what I want to give to who. I honestly don't know how anyone can have a bad Christmas. I don't mean that negatively or judgingly, truly, and for the stressers or sad ones I am genuinely sorry. I just don't understand it >;->

When my kids were small I taught them to be grateful for any gift, as its the symbolism of the season more than the actual reality of the gifts. One year my sister was angry with me and she used her corporate husbands present account to send us a box of grapefruits. No card, no note...We were very poor at the time and my girls had very little. I was so amused by her present; refused to take visible umbrage, and the girls wrote the sweetest thank you notes 'Dear Aunt (no name ) thank you for the lovely grapefruits! etc". It was great. They were happy, I hope she was embarrassed (she never mentioned it and I didn't either) and we had a lovely time.

I have lost so many family members and friends in the last ten years, and I miss them very much. Especially at Christmas. But I still feel all the joy and wonder of this time of year. I love the music, I love the lights, the tree, the baking, Advent, all of it.

To the OP, get the child whatever you want, or nothing. You are the giver. If her mom has not taught her to be grateful and humble and think about the symbolism of the gift this time of year, its not your responsibility to make up for that.

[Figgy]

in our family we don't do presents for kids over 12 years of age, we don't do presents for people who don't turn up, and we'd all rather spend money on food and alcohol and have a good family dinner than worry about presents

there's too much consumerism

I never do stocking fillers, why give people useless stuff they don't need? They'd rather catch up for a meal, alcohol and a good chat anyway

[Minz]

I have a friend whose family does the $100 gift card exchange. I really don't see the point. Then your $100 is tied up with particular stores. I still have some money on a gift card from last year that my aunt gave me to buy a cover for the iPad my mom gave me. Unfortunately that store didn't have the cover I wanted and it is not a store I shop at otherwise. With my friends I like to go out for dinner at a nice restaurant. If that isn't an option, I aim for consumables. There are quite a few artisan food producers in the area, so it is easy to make baskets of yummy stuff.

[PaulaO]

Abby, my sentiments exactly. A few years ago Bob's massage therapist (oh yes, he had one) sent me a box of grapefruit for Christmas. I absolutely loved them!

[capstone]

in our family we don't do presents for kids over 12 years of age...

I like the 12 year cutoff. We currently stick to 18, but even then with many exceptions. Eg. 18 but still in high school living at home. Verdict: child. Eg. Over 18 and childless. Verdict: child! Almost like if you don't have a child, you are a child. In my family, that is almost everyone!

Did I mention that my oldest sister has 8 kids (ranging from 3 to 30) and 7 grandkids the youngest of which was born last week? #8 is due in March. And this is with only 3 of the 8 contributing so far. My other sister has 4 kids and currently 4 grandkids but that number is sure to grow.

DH and I are childless by choice. His family is small (including the neice that prompted this post). My ever-expanding family is a source of frustration to him.

...we don't do presents for people who don't turn up...

I do the same and only buy for who is present. My aunts/uncles did this when I was growing up and rarely saw them. I was not traumatized.

...we'd all rather spend money on food and alcohol and have a good family dinner than worry about presents...

DH is lobbying for this, more adamantly each year. Maybe next year.

[PaulaO]

Capstone, I really hope you do not buy for each person you listed. That is crazy.

[Canyon]

I agree, consumerism has ruined Christmas. One year, my family decided that any presents exchanged had to be made by the giver; that was really tough, but fun and definitely more meaningful. My parents are both now dead; my siblings and I donate to charities instead of exchanging gifts. Shipping is too expensive, and we already have everything we need.

We have one granddaughter who is young enough to still “believe”, and I enjoy shopping for her. We get some clothing for the older ones, and we contribute to all their college funds. I pick out a few appropriate stocking stuffers for the daughters and sons-in-law; they claim that opening those gifts is their favorite part of Christmas. DH and I treat ourselves to a nice trip to somewhere warm and sunny in January or February.

Some of my friends with huge families have gone to picking one name out of a hat for the next year’s gift exchange, with a $ limit. I like that idea.

[VBOpie]

Abby, I agree with you about buying something you think the person would like - like RTR buying for her brother. Gift giving is exciting when you buy find that special thing. Also, you can always encourage the family to donate in some form to a charity, e.g., serving Christmas dinner to the homeless, buying food for food pantries instead of gifts, contributing to animal rescues, etc.

[Abby Kogler]

Abby, I agree with you about buying something you think the person would like - like RTR buying for her brother. Gift giving is exciting when you buy find that special thing. Also, you can always encourage the family to donate in some form to a charity, e.g., serving Christmas dinner to the homeless, buying food for food pantries instead of gifts, contributing to animal rescues, etc.

I also adopt families >;-> I love doing that. We are near Camp Pendleton so there are lots of young Marine families. I really miss having little ones around so that is always super fun. Last year one of our daughters interned at a social service place that serves a lot of addicts, homeless vets, and other people in hard circumstances so this year I adopted three men without families or resources and also a family through that agency. I love doing that. The things don't have to cost a lot...one year I gave a bunch of toiletries, candles, stuff from the dollar store to a family for the teen age girl and she was so pleased with it all.

I have been really poor. Like no food for the kids poor. It doesn't take much to make someones Christmas more cheerful. Just the thought of someone who doesn't know you doing something nice for you can be an amazing feeling when you have nothing. Now that I am not so poor, giving people that feeling is a wonderful thing and can go a long way toward reducing that grinchy feeling >;->

The year that my dad was at his assisted living place we gave secret santas so some of the people there with no family. I got to know a man whos wife had died long ago and whose only daughter had been murdered. We secretly made him a box of stuff, like I made for my dad...daughterly things. He wept, but was so happy, it was touching beyond anything. My dad is gone but I made him a box last year and will this year.

Seeing happy faces and knowing you made someone happy who might not have had anything without your input can make Christmas a wonderful thing!

It also helps take any sting out of any grinches you might have in your life. Fie to them! Make someone happy who really needs it >;->

[Chisamba]

Thank you Abby, after the first reread I did not come back to this thread because it was ruining my Christmas. Now I see there are some people left who still have a Christmas spirit.

When i was little we were desperate for some money. My parents caught us selling our toys and we got into trouble for it. They thought we were being selfish money grubbers. We persisted, selling mangoes at the station, something else we got into trouble for.

We did this for the months, Rory, Ryan and I. Then came the tremendous difficulty spending it. There was no way to get into town secretly. We finally managed to get the guardsman on our side and he let us ride the guardsmans coach of the train into Lusaka. We went to Keyes, and bought my mother a ginger jar. It was shaped like a beehive and had it's own cute little teaspoon.

We hid it and wrapped it ourselves for Christmas. Fortunately it had the desired effect on my Mom. When she and Dad realized we had managed to do this without any help from anyone else they did not punish us for riding the train to town. Lol

Anyway, mom treasured that honey jar so much that when we fled from Zambia it was the only personal item she brought with her.

When a guest accidentally broke it, she cried, even though by then we were teenaged and practically grown up.

Anyway, I agree with you, why bother to get things for people if you are going to act like it is a chore, and do it with such mean hearts. I treasure gifts, even ones that are not my style, because it means people put in effort and thought of me.

You say commercialism ruined Christmas, I disagree, it's my opinion that you can look to your own attitudes to see who ruined Christmas for you.

[Racetrackreject]

I will say that just because I vented on this thread, it does not mean that I am actually grinchy. I think I'm a fairly generous person and I do a lot of charity work all year long, not just for Christmas.

I do try to buy unique gifts for people that I think fit their personality . If I'm buying for someone that I know won't like anything I buy them or that I don't know very well, I will often just give them a gift card. If I'm buying for someone that I do not care for, I am often overly generous with their gift for some reason.

Anyway, I guess my rant was more that when I get something that these people know I can't use before they even buy it for me, and I exchange it, even for the same thing in a size that would fit, I get told how ungrateful and awful I am. I guess I should just rent a warehouse and stuff all of this crud in it so as not to offend anyone, idk. I am appreciative of the gift but 25 or more years of getting 3xl clothing when I've been everything from a size 4 to a size 14, or pierced earrings when I've never had pierced ears, seems a bit more like someone doing it just to be nasty, imo. I'm not going to waste my energy on that. Ba Humbug and all that.

[Abby Kogler]

"Anyway, I guess my rant was more that when I get something that these people know I can't use before they even buy it for me, and I exchange it, even for the same thing in a size that would fit, I get told how ungrateful and awful I am. I guess I should just rent a warehouse and stuff all of this crud in it so as not to offend anyone, idk. I am appreciative of the gift but 25 or more years of getting 3xl clothing when I've been everything from a size 4 to a size 14, or pierced earrings when I've never had pierced ears, seems a bit more like someone doing it just to be nasty, imo. I'm not going to waste my energy on that. Ba Humbug and all that"

I have to say, if I were in your shoes I would advertise for new friends and family >;->

Teasing of course, but I don't blame you for feeling unappreciated/unloved/a target. Im sorry!

My first mother in law owned a trendy boutiquey shop. For Christmas (never got a birthday pres) she would give me something that someone had returned; something off the clearance clearance clearance rack that NO one wanted; something torn, or stained. I am six ft tall and slender...it might be a size 18, or a 2....so yes, I know the feeling >;-D I just donated it. Anyone that unkind/thoughtless/clueless isn't going to get it if you say something, that's for sure.

The only birthday card I ever got from her was the birthday after the divorce. lolol!!


Rant away, and thanks for sharing. We all laugh/cry with you in that situation.

[Chisamba]

My mother in law is absolutely queen of giving me gifts that hurt my feelings, for example. clothing way to big for me, its really about who she is. she raised a daughter that was so anorexic and bulimic that she was given less than 25 percent chance of survival and had to go to a very specific hospital to be treated to survive. when the mother was asked to join for counselling, to save her daughter's life, she refused. I could not understand it until I got to know her better, i realized she was an anorexic bulimic herself, long long standing, surviving but incurable. What would such a person do when faced with a daughter in law who is big busted and muscled, and living an outdoor lifestyle ( at the time i was not actually overweight like i am now) buy her clothing too big of course. my mother in law was probably a size two to four, and yet tended to wear clothing in a size eight to twelve. Her perspective of her own body was so skewed, how could she have a clear perspective of mine?

i was no longer hurt by it but it still saddens me. the interesting thing is that in gift receiving, some times the gift is so much more about the gift givers relationship with themselves than it is about their relationship with you.

the first year i participated in the gift exchange one of the questions was, what would you like that you have wanted for a long time and never received, and the person gave a very specific response that was affordable, so i bought it for her. on the thank you i receive it thread, she wrote how she had wanted this thing for years, asked for it from her nearest and dearest for years, and been given and asteroid, a sponsorship to a rescue horse, and any number of goo gooder gifts, but not once had anyone given her the one thing she asked for. Now had it been me, i would have bought the darn thing for myself, but somehow either she could not afford felt too guilty buying it for herself. i am glad it spent a bit more then i intended and got it for her.

like i said, for kids, cash can be so empowering, especially if they are too young to have a job and from families that are not very wealthy. now if a wealthy parent says just get my kid cash, i would tend to ignore it, but if it were a person who was in a family that struggles just a bit giving them their own money would be a very nice gift.

i have on my mantle piece a couple of cheap totally in appropriate gifts that i keep because of the heart of the person who gave it to me, and i have in my cabinet a couple of very expensive one of a kind pottery gifts that are not my style at all, that i keep, because they are the last gift my dear friend who died of cancer gave me.

some people hang onto nothing, i am probably a tiny bit of a hoarder, but even if i hoarded every single gift ever given to me i could probably not fill a storage locker, never mind a warehouse, so you are a very very lucky person to have so many givers in your life, even if they just do not seem to be able to get it right.

[capstone]

It was a passing feeling. Not that it won't return but it's not the way I prefer to face the holidays in general.

In addition to some enjoyable shopping this past weekend, I also did a Christmas-themed Painting With A a Twist class on Monday with my mom, sister, and niece (not the one from the OP).

image.jpeg (169.43 KiB) Viewed 23433 times

Things are looking up.

[Chisamba]

if i was a teenager, or child and someone sponsored an elephant or a child in africa i would immediately assume that a person i never knew or an elephant meant more to that person than i did, it would have hit me self esteem and hurt me a lot. now as an adult who loves the idea of a goat for a family in africa i would like it but i would not have got that as a kid. jmho. i think sponsorships as gifts work if it is very meaningful to the receiver. anyway, i am not really sorry , i did want to give my perspective on this even though it seems to be the unpopular one.

capstone i am glad you are having a more enjoyable time.

[capstone]

if i was a teenager, or child and someone sponsored an elephant or a child in africa i would immediately assume that a person i never knew or an elephant meant more to that person than i did, it would have hit me self esteem and hurt me a lot. now as an adult who loves the idea of a goat for a family in africa i would like it but i would not have got that as a kid. jmho. i think sponsorships as gifts work if it is very meaningful to the receiver. anyway, i am not really sorry , i did want to give my perspective on this even though it seems to be the unpopular one.

Likewise, I do not think this kind of gift would be well received in my family, particularly DH's side. Not that they are bad people.

I have made peace with my approach to Christmas gift giving this year. Hopefully everyone else can do the same!

[Paints]

if i was a teenager, or child and someone sponsored an elephant or a child in africa i would immediately assume that a person i never knew or an elephant meant more to that person than i did, it would have hit me self esteem and hurt me a lot. now as an adult who loves the idea of a goat for a family in africa i would like it but i would not have got that as a kid. jmho. i think sponsorships as gifts work if it is very meaningful to the receiver. anyway, i am not really sorry , i did want to give my perspective on this even though it seems to be the unpopular one.

capstone i am glad you are having a more enjoyable time.

I see your point. Some of these organizations do skew their programs so that they are suitable for children. My nieces always got so much stuff at Christmas. One year I "sponsored" an animal for each of them at our local zoo. The zoo had parties for adopted parents and sent newsletters to them all appropriate for younger people. My sister told me that they really enjoyed the gift. But without that program it would have been a very unsuitable gift for a child.

Chisamba - I think you must be a wonderful gift giver. I was the lucky enough to have you receive my name in one of the gift exchanges. I always asked for ornaments from the gifter's home place and you gave me the most incredible collection of ornaments from Africa. Each with the name of the tribe from which the craftsperson was from and a bit of relevant information. I love them all but I am especially fond of the tree with the hanging ornaments and find a special place for it each year.

[pawsplus]

At this point, other than my nieces, I get everyone books. I usually get something that benefits a charity I support, as well (Benefits wine, etc.). The nieces get money, along with a few things I know they want, because they're teenagers so money is most useful. I spend most of my gift money on them--I have no kids and enjoy spoiling them. I don't spend much on anyone else.

I send fruit to my 2 vets and give the handyguy who keeps me going a monetary gift.

I don't much care what anyone else gets me. I don't really need or want most stuff, and most people don't know what horse or kayak gear to get me. So if I can't use it, I sell it on EBay. . They never know and my savings account is happy.