"Helpful" neighbor.

[Chisamba]

Backstory, there is a neighbor who lives near the barn facility rent. She worked for the wife of the barn owner ( long since deceased) and used to have a horse here. The horse to is deceased. The barn owner has an old retired broodmare and this neighbor is welcome to groom and help take care of the mare.

So, I arrive at the barn today, not even late, it's snowing a lot. roads are covered, it's still coming down. I see tire tracks too the barn and recognize the neighbors car. no problem. I know she came to feed the old horse so the Owner, who is 80 didn't have to come out in the snow.....but she dashed off without a word, then I get a text saying how she threw hay for all my horses.

I didn't ask her to
she didn't call me to ask if I needed help
she just did it.
I'm trying to think she was just being helpful, but I still think it was a dramatic overstepping of any bounds.

I have some horses on steamed hay, some on low starch hay, and many horses have permanent hay racks stuffed with hay in their shelters. none of them needed hay thrown on the ground in the snow.

she gave everyone the high starch second cutting hay including the horses with heaves.

so am I over reacting. I mean who guess on a farm they don't own and throws hay they don't own to horses they don't own?

[heddylamar]

Oy. You are so right to be annoyed. She just took it on herself to feed strange animals when she obviously has your cell number and could have asked first? Who does that?

I'd respond "thanks so much for thinking of my horses, but please, please, check with me first next time."

[Chancellor]

You are NOT over reacting. If I were the owner of the horse with heaves or someone who cannot have high starch hay, I'd be pissed (not at you but at the neighbor).

[Canyon]

I agree - you aren't overreacting!

[acheyarcher]

I would have some tactful words to say, but be tactful, particularly if she is older.

She may be lonely confused and perhaps a little flustered with weather event.

Thank her for letting you know but state clearly that in future you need to be asked IN ADVANCE. Advise her horses have conditions that are controlled with proper diet and she made an error and fed some of the horses incorrectly.

[tlkidding]

Did she throw a flake to each horse or piles and piles? Also, did she know you were coming out for sure and on time? Did she already know in detail about horses with special diets?

I could see thinking there's a chance you might not make it out or not until later and tossing some hay in bad weather. We have a boarder that would do that, even for overweight horses, if the weather is bad or especially cold.

If this is one of the first times she's done this, I would give myself some time to cool down. Then I'd have a friendly chat thanking for the help and noting that there are some horses with very specific diets due to "severe health issues." You can request she never toss hay, or if you appreciate the help and think she's careful enough, tell her who she can feed.

[Josette]

I agree this sounds like an older former horse owner - who misses being around horses. I think she was trying to help in these weather conditions - but should definitely have contacted you FIRST. Deep breath - then talk to her about asking BEFORE she ever tries to help / feed in the future. Her response who clarify her intentions.

[blob]

Who normally feeds your horses? Is it you? or is it the BO? If it's you, she definitely overstepped. Being helpful would have been texting and asking if there was something she could do for your horses while she was out there

[Lipsmackerpony88]

I'm sure her intentions were good but some boundaries were overstepped here. I would tell her you appreciate the thought, but to clear it with you beforehand next time.

[Rockabilly]

You know you were not over reacting.

[Chisamba]

Who normally feeds your horses? Is it you? or is it the BO? If it's you, she definitely overstepped. Being helpful would have been texting and asking if there was something she could do for your horses while she was out there

I feed the horses, I basically rent the barn and all horse management is mine. the property owner had no hands on responsibility. although he is nice enough to call me if he sees something amiss