WWYD: Alcoholic parents
Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2021 6:16 pm
I need some advice or a sound board regarding something. I don't really want to post it on Facebook or anything because there might be mutual friends.
My daughter (coming 10 years old) has a friend she's known since preschool. So I think they've known each other 6 years now? They were really close and still enjoy each other's company but they go to different schools now.
We do not get together with them too often maybe once a month or every other month. The reason being is the girl's parents are going more and more off the deep end into substance abuse. I've seen this unfold over the years and it's really starting to take a pretty scary turn. Years ago the parents really wanted to be friends with us and I did enjoy their company. They are funny laid back people. But even early on it was clear that there is some issues in that family. At the time it was more that the husband had a drinking problem. The wife would talk about it quite a bit and did a lot of complaining about him in general. But from what I could see he held it together okay and was never belligerent or anything. It's just that sometimes you could smell the booze on him or he would show up with a pretty red face. They also would bicker in front of people and there's a lot of tension. The older child which is not my daughter's friend, was having a lot of behavioral problems too.
This year I'm getting really concerned that the wife has developed a much more serious drinking problem. I guess I don't know if it is actually worse than the husbands but she's much less private about it and pretty sloppy. This summer we've had a few incidences and it's getting to the point where I don't know what to do about it.
Twice they haven't been able to pick up their daughter from her house because they were drunk. Not even at home drinking together because they hate each other but either way both said they could not come get their daughter. I'm sad to say we dropped her off which I felt conflicted about but at the same time they're drinking all the time anyways and I cannot adopt the child. I am really glad that they didn't show up drunk trying to drive her home.
Then last night we went to the circus. We went to dinner beforehand at a restaurant that was right next to the circus. She had two large beers but it wasn't drunk acting. I actually felt pretty impressed that she seemed pretty together. Then we went to the circus. She seemed really into it as she is a dance teacher. Then halfway through the circus she tells me that she decided she's going to go back to the restaurant instead of the bar and have another beer. And invited me to go. I told her I would not leave the kids alone as my husband had ran home really quickly to let the dogs out. So she went by herself to sit at the bar and have another beer.
I find this behavior really disturbing. And we're starting to really feel responsible for children. Does child protective services deal with this type of stuff? Is it wrong for me to even be thinking that?
On the surface if they are sober things will look good. They own a home, are Catholic and go to church, and have their daughters in a charter school. They do a lot of after school activities. They are clothed and fed. But it seems there is a spiraling out going on here that is becoming real apparent at least around us.
I think at this point we either have to somehow set up an intervention or I need to basically not have my daughter around them. Which of course my daughter never goes to their house and is never alone with her parents. It's always us taking her friend over.
It sucks. So sad.
Another scary part is the mom just got a degree to be a counselor for troubled youth...
My daughter (coming 10 years old) has a friend she's known since preschool. So I think they've known each other 6 years now? They were really close and still enjoy each other's company but they go to different schools now.
We do not get together with them too often maybe once a month or every other month. The reason being is the girl's parents are going more and more off the deep end into substance abuse. I've seen this unfold over the years and it's really starting to take a pretty scary turn. Years ago the parents really wanted to be friends with us and I did enjoy their company. They are funny laid back people. But even early on it was clear that there is some issues in that family. At the time it was more that the husband had a drinking problem. The wife would talk about it quite a bit and did a lot of complaining about him in general. But from what I could see he held it together okay and was never belligerent or anything. It's just that sometimes you could smell the booze on him or he would show up with a pretty red face. They also would bicker in front of people and there's a lot of tension. The older child which is not my daughter's friend, was having a lot of behavioral problems too.
This year I'm getting really concerned that the wife has developed a much more serious drinking problem. I guess I don't know if it is actually worse than the husbands but she's much less private about it and pretty sloppy. This summer we've had a few incidences and it's getting to the point where I don't know what to do about it.
Twice they haven't been able to pick up their daughter from her house because they were drunk. Not even at home drinking together because they hate each other but either way both said they could not come get their daughter. I'm sad to say we dropped her off which I felt conflicted about but at the same time they're drinking all the time anyways and I cannot adopt the child. I am really glad that they didn't show up drunk trying to drive her home.
Then last night we went to the circus. We went to dinner beforehand at a restaurant that was right next to the circus. She had two large beers but it wasn't drunk acting. I actually felt pretty impressed that she seemed pretty together. Then we went to the circus. She seemed really into it as she is a dance teacher. Then halfway through the circus she tells me that she decided she's going to go back to the restaurant instead of the bar and have another beer. And invited me to go. I told her I would not leave the kids alone as my husband had ran home really quickly to let the dogs out. So she went by herself to sit at the bar and have another beer.
I find this behavior really disturbing. And we're starting to really feel responsible for children. Does child protective services deal with this type of stuff? Is it wrong for me to even be thinking that?
On the surface if they are sober things will look good. They own a home, are Catholic and go to church, and have their daughters in a charter school. They do a lot of after school activities. They are clothed and fed. But it seems there is a spiraling out going on here that is becoming real apparent at least around us.
I think at this point we either have to somehow set up an intervention or I need to basically not have my daughter around them. Which of course my daughter never goes to their house and is never alone with her parents. It's always us taking her friend over.
It sucks. So sad.
Another scary part is the mom just got a degree to be a counselor for troubled youth...