Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Srhorselady
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Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Srhorselady » Thu Dec 23, 2021 7:14 pm

I’ve lived in the Phoenix metropolitan area for almost 50 years. I moved here after graduate school because I was offered a job here. I have a lot of good friends here, but most are older than I am. I am comfortable here. I have a nice house and property and am financially comfortable. Up until moving to Phoenix my early life mostly consisted of moving every two plus years due to my fathers work. My closest family is my brother, his wife, and his three adult children who all live on the east coast. All other more distant relatives are in other states. There is now one two year old great nephew plus another on the way in the next generation of my brothers family. Three years ago my brother and his wife moved from New Mexico to Maryland to provide support and childcare for their new grandson. They have all mentioned occasionally how nice it would be if I moved to Maryland also. No pressure…just mentioned. Now for the second time in the last year my sister in law forwarded me a Zillow listing for a horse property near them. My plans have always been to sell my current 5 acres when I lose my senior horses (or can no longer care for it) and move into some sort of retirement independent/assisted living arrangement. I’m seventy now and taking care of everything is still possible but getting more difficult. I currently have four horses, three of them in their twenties. The Zillow property my sister in law sent at 6:30am this morning is definitely worth considering. The house is tiny but it is on 3.5 acres near them with two small barns and potential. The price is reasonable. Should I consider leaving all my friends and moving across the country to be closer to family? I am close to my brother and sister in law, but do not know their children well now they have become adults. I would like to be involved in the lives of my great nephew and coming great niece. Should I seriously consider this?

Rockabilly
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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Rockabilly » Thu Dec 23, 2021 11:08 pm

I think you should give it a great deal of thought and then do what your heart tells you. Being 70 has opened you to health problems you never knew existed. Probably like me you wonder where the time goes. You ask "How did this happen?" So you're at the point in your life that it is more about you than moving and getting a new horse property. I wish you well.

exvet
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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby exvet » Fri Dec 24, 2021 1:44 am

I will be honest. I grew up on the East coast. I grew up with horses. I'm 58 and still relatively active as you know. I would not be drawn to a horse property of any size on the East Coast at the age I am now. I struggled even when young dealing with the cold weather and what having large critters required. I certainly don't see myself doing the same now - dealing with ice, snow, cleaning stalls in that type of weather and then in the summer - mowing and taking care of <gasp> pasture. I find dry lots so much easier.....so you could always look into that option. Still the maintenance of the buildings, fences, driveways, etc (yes I know we have that here but it really is simpler) not to mention the very idea of hauling in inclement weather if necessary. I realize you could hire someone to do it if necessary..........but........ Believe it or not, I think desert horse keeping is the easiest that it gets unless you board. That isn't to say I don't think you should consider being closer to family (because I'm grateful that I have been); but, maybe consider a shift in your horse involvement (like boarding at a retirement horse facility).

Srhorselady
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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Srhorselady » Fri Dec 24, 2021 4:49 am

Thank you both! I will take your advice to heart. I don’t have to take any immediate action and I don’t think I will. I think I will take my time thinking about this. The reminder about health changes as we age is definitely appropriate. And Exvet thank you for your horse keeping winter reminder. I am NOT a cold weather person which I keep telling my brother. He keeps telling me that Maryland’s winters are nothing compared to Minnesota and New York. I’ve never lived in Maryland, but I HAVE lived in Minnesota and New York. However I’ve never kept horses any place but the desert. Breaking ice in waterers doesn’t appeal even when it happens on those rare occasions here!

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Chisamba
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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Chisamba » Fri Dec 24, 2021 11:41 am

Maryland is mid Atlantic, it's south of the North East. It is hot and humid in summer and can be cold in January. Up here in the NE everyone know winter will be crappy and is prepared, the problem with mid Atlantic is that often they do not have the infrastructure for that occasional big storm. Jmho

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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby demi » Fri Dec 24, 2021 3:11 pm

Just my 2 cents but I’d move if I had that opportunity, just to be close to my family. I was born and raised in SW Michigan (close to the lake, so lake effect snow) and did the whole winter horse care thing. DH and I lived in Maryland for two winters where we rented a little house with a barn and kept our 2 horses there. DH was working long hours and I was working 40 hrs a week and I did all the horse care myself. Yes it was muggy at times in the summer and we did have some small snow storms in the winter but I easily rode all year (no indoor arena). The snow was never more than 6 inches deep. Of course, I was in my late 20’s back then so that made a big difference.

Im 68 now and I miss living near my family. My 93 yr old mom, my brother, two sisters and their families all still live in SW Mich. My brother and his wife have been staying with us for a week every two months because SIL is undergoing treatment at MD Anderson. It is so nice to have them here. Quite different from visiting even quarterly. DH is a native Texan and his 94 yr old dad is still here so we’re staying here. For now.

The bottom line for me, is at this age, I’d move back so I could be near my family. DH is 9 yrs older than me and statistically he’ll shuffle of the mortal coil before me, and then I’ll go back. I do hope to ride till I can no longer walk, but maybe I could board at an indoor for the winter. I don’t have kids so maybe that’s why I miss my family so much. I do have lots of nieces and nephews and grand nieces and nephews and many of them are in SW Mich…..

I’ll be interested to see how your thinking goes on this, Sr.

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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Wicky » Fri Dec 24, 2021 11:55 pm

I never expected to have property in FL - even though I had visited a friend in Wellington once or twice a season for a few days or a week at a time. I enjoyed it, but never thought I would enjoy it day to day. But two years ago I spent ten days in Wellington, taking an art course in Palm Beach. I met a few women whom I liked, had a great time learning to draw, and decided to look at property. I bought a house for winters, very close to my friend. I have a cousin in Palm Beach, and my trainer comes here for the winters.

The thing that made me decide to do this was that I had enough experience here to be able to see what my days would be like. I needed to feel that I would have a life outside of my cousin, or my friend. What do you see yourself doing in MD, other than seeing family and taking care of your horses? I know someone who lost her husband and (over a year later) moved from the Boston area to Albuquerque to be near her niece. After less than a year, she decided to move back. She needed friends and a life, not just family.

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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby PaulaO » Sat Dec 25, 2021 4:22 pm

I would move back east, but find someplace to board your horses. Nothing fancy but pay someone to do the work. You don’t want to deal with hauling hay, chopping ice in the waterers, etc. at any age. But. Are you ready to give up your friends, lifestyle, and start again?

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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby piedmontfields » Sun Dec 26, 2021 1:44 pm

I think this would be a challenging move. is there any way you could board the older horses in Maryland instead so that you are not moving into another farm situation? Maryland is good horse country, as you move out north/west from the cities. The fact that this will be your first big move from an area where you've lived for 50 years will also add to the challenge---and I think, to the requirements for what you need.

As we look ahead to our own retirement, we keep thinking that there will be multiple stages: In our sixties, it would be great to have a rural property still (like we do now in our 50s), in a different part of the country--but likely one with less upkeep. In our seventies, we are thinking that we should move to a vibrant university town with good public transit and healthcare or to a real city. So many things become much more difficult for people after the age of 75 or so. Much of the US is not very senior friendly (totally car dependent for services).

p.s. People vary on their need to be close to family/friends. If it's important to you, even for a short period of time, that might trump other challenges. Of course, unexpected things (people dying young, people moving away) can also happen in the short term.

Srhorselady
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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Srhorselady » Sun Dec 26, 2021 9:19 pm

Thank you all for your thoughtful advice! And Merry Christmas to all of you. There are a lot of elements to think of on this subject. Just my current musings…

Although I loved the the development and building of horse property when I was in my forty’s, fifty’s, and even sixtys, but I’m not sure that I’m physically capable of that any more. Also Maryland weather horse keeping may not be something I want to face without an established support group. However, boarding two horses might be reasonable. I’m not sure boarding four is. But practically speaking…three of my horses are in their mid twenties. Two have had some fairly serious health crisis is the last year so that situation could change.

What I’m most worried about are the social/emotional aspects of the move as Wicky mentioned. I’ve had two careers and most of my friends come from that period of my life. So trying to meet new people and make new friends is a scary thought. I won’t be dependent on my relatives. I want to be part of their lives, but not dependent on them for friends and my new life. I’m something of a hermit and need my private time, but if I don’t have the horses to care for I will need something else. And having just spent a few days meeting and celebrating with good friends I recognize what I might be leaving. It makes me very uncertain about what I should do. Is doing nothing just procrastination? Delaying could just make it harder and age is not on my side, but….that’s what tempts me the most.

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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Sue B » Mon Dec 27, 2021 5:51 pm

Technically, I'm from the east, but I've lived here in Idaho for most of my life. I would find it extremely difficult to leave this western culture and move back east even if I still had family there. Where I live now, I have an awesome social support group, I love my county and the weather is tolerable. But, I have 12 acres to care for (irrigate, weed, fertilize...) and I am out a ways from town, so reliant on FEL and shovels for snow removal. Also, when the power goes out, there's no water because we get water from a well. All of this will get harder as dh and I age, but even after dh dies (he's 12yrs older than I and I'm in my 60's) I intend to stay at least into my 80's. After that, I'll probably move to town and find some place to keep my one or two horses. Leaving is inconceivable to me.

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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Hayburner » Mon Dec 27, 2021 9:46 pm

I also have been considering moving closer to my small amount of family. A sister and a nephew with a young family. He has a huge extended family on his wife’s side, many friendly brothers, sisters, and in laws. I would down size my current home, but I don’t want to move to retirement village just yet.

I’m pushing 65 and my dad is 94 who lives close in a personal care home. It would not be an issue moving him to another home.

The weather where I would move is similar, tho they do get a bit more snow, but I board my horse so it’s not an issue keeping up a farm.

I too worry about losing my circle of friends and trying to make new friends at my age. Naturally, the horse community does make it a bit easier to make friends. I have lived in this area for all my life, so I know a lot of people and the area well. I love where I board my horse, tho the barn may be sold in the next year, so I could have to move anyway. Boarding farms are getting harder to find in my area and prices have skyrocketed.

Maryland is a beautiful state but certainly different than what you are accustomed to, I give you a lot of credit for doing all the work at your farm at 70 years old. I know I have definitely slowed down and appreciate being able to go away and not have to worry about caring for animals.

I still have time to decide, just wanted to let you know you are not alone with this type of decision.

Srhorselady
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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Srhorselady » Thu Jan 27, 2022 8:32 pm

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies! I’ve been thinking a lot about this. My brother flew out and visited for a few days and we discussed it. One decision, I’m not going to buy horse property in Maryland. I don’t have the energy/ability to develop another horse property, especially where weather could be hostile. (I’ve been reading about so many of you in the ice and cold….brrrr!). I’m going to stay in place for now. I developed this place and it is easy to manage and I have good friends and barn assistance in place. In a few (maybe five?) years when natural attrition happens I will consider moving to Maryland and boarding one at most two horses. I had always planned to move into an Independent Living place that had access to assisted living and memory care. I don’t want to be dependent on anyone and I want to choose my own place. I’ll just plan on that in Maryland. Also by that time some of my friend choices here may also be made since many of my closest friends are in poor health and/or ten years older than I am. By then my own health could be an issue also. Who knows? I WILL miss seeing the youngest years of my great niece and nephew. However I don’t mind missing the changing diaper years! :D Thank you again for your thoughtful advice.

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Re: Moving as a Senior: Advice Please

Postby Josette » Fri Jan 28, 2022 8:41 pm

We are near the NJ coast and waiting for this storm heading our way tonight. :roll: Then during the week will see some warmer days - crazy weather.
Enjoy AZ! :)

https://oceancitymd.gov/oc/ocean-city-m ... orm-watch/
https://patch.com/maryland/baltimore/md ... ed-part-md


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