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My husband and I have been separated for 3 years now, and we're still not divorced. Without going into a lot of detail, getting a divorce has fallen completely on me. If I want it done, I'm going to have to do it. Its not contested, he's just worthless.
I cant afford an attorney and since the case is uncontested and I've managed to get him to sign everything (after months and months), I'm representing myself. I had a court date two weeks ago and it went horrible. I wasn't prepared to give the judge "evidence" (Missouri is a no fault state) and the litigant awareness program I completed said that in a CONTESTED case you would need to be prepared to give evidence. The judge made me feel awful, asking if I had even completed the program that I had filed a paper stating I had done. I wanted to say at that time that I had no idea I was supposed to provide evidence, but then I second guessed myself thinking I had missed something, and simply apologized for not being prepared. She gave me an extension at that point.
I have to face her again tomorrow. I feel more prepared... but I'm really terrified. I've written up a paragraph stating that my evidence is my testimony and the papers I have filed, and outlining the important points... no kids, everything agreed upon, etc. At the end stating that he and I have agreed the differences are irreconcilable and that I respectfully request the dissolution be granted. I've been sitting here practicing, but I'm quite nervous.
I need to be able to move past this, I really need this to go well.

Jingles that it goes well, I hope she does not bully you. I hope you find the perfect line between being respectful but standing up for yourself.

Be confident or just fake it. Breathe. Pause before you answer and collect your thoughts. Practicing is excellent as you will become familiar with what you want to say. Do you have anyone going to support you? If not, WE will be there with you in spirit. You can do this! Shoulders back, chin and eyes up, kick on!

My dad will be going with me, my mom went last time but has to work tomorrow.
I've written out the paragraph several times, and read it out loud quite a few times also. I really hope I won't need to say much more.

My thoughts are with you

You can do this. I like the suggestion of taking a deep breath before you start to talk. It will seem like hours to you before you start speaking but for everyone else it will sound normal.
Good luck.

Don't let the judge intimidate you. Ride past the scary monster!

Edited to change question mark to exclamation point.

I'll bet that was supposed to be an exclamation point!! Ride forward! You can do it!

I work with attorneys, some who litigate. My friend's DH is a judge. Just remember, they are human beings too. They put their pants on the same way we do each day, they eat Cheerios for breakfast (maybe!), they have children, etc.

Just be respectful and polite, and ask any questions you may have. Take a deep breath. It'll be okay!

I'm angry that the judge jerked you around last time. Good illustration of how experts can become bullies when they assume everyone should know all the intricacies of their field.

But you are going to be fine. If you get nervous, take a look at the court reporter. Odds are s/he is on your side. They have heard it all, they know when a case is deserving, and they have no sympathy with crabby judges.

Best wishes and let us know!

At my (uncontested) divorce, one of us had to have a lawyer because there were minor children. STBX was happy to let me pay that. My lawyer however was detained in another case and did not show for the hearing, nor did the STBX bother to attend. So I had to skate on my own. As I sat in the chilly courtroom, the court reporter was arranging vases of lilacs all around the room. She walked back to me and squeezed my shoulder and said, "It's going to be fine!" I must have looked so panicked.

But walking out of there - what a great feeling. I like the advice above - ride past the scary monster!

Best wishes and big jingles for success.


I'd be worse than terrified after the treatment you got, but with your Dad's support, you can pull it through, and it could be that the judge will not ask anything this time. Crossing fingers, too!

I can see a big sigh of relief coming your way soon

I too did a divorce pro se and I too was a hyperventilating mess in front of the judge. But I survived it, though I made some mistakes that he let me sign and redo in the courtroom. But I was terrified that something would go wrong. Like you, uncontested, everything agreed on.

Good luck! Keep practicing, positive visualizations, picturing it all over.

You can do this. I'm sorry the judge chose to be a bully last time. This time you know what to expect and are prepared. You can do this!

It's done! I'm divorced!
Apparently I still wasn't really prepared, the judge said my evidence/case was still really lacking but she was much nicer and helped me through it a bit more, and in the end ruled in my favor.
I am so looking forward to moving on with my life, this has been a long time coming.

Congratulations!!! Well done. Your screen name is perfect for this new phase of your life

YAY! Nice to have it in the rear view mirror!!

Congrats it is over and done with before the new year!

Hooray! Onward to a new, brighter and better life!!!!

PhoenixRising wrote:It's done! I'm divorced!
Apparently I still wasn't really prepared, the judge said my evidence/case was still really lacking but she was much nicer and helped me through it a bit more, and in the end ruled in my favor.
I am so looking forward to moving on with my life, this has been a long time coming.

I am glad it's over, and you can move on and start the new year with a fresh start!

Congratulations, and happy new year and life!

Wonderful!

congratulations! Nice to be able to put a line under everything.

Good Job! Way to Go! You did it! Here's to a new year filled with promise and joy, I can't wait to hear what you take on next!

Congratulations! I can't believe how fabulous life is since my divorce! I hope you find the same to be true.

Thank you everyone for the support! I feel so relieved having it all behind me now. Getting my name changed back is going to be a PITA but well worth it, I think.
I've already been much happier in the last year than I have been in a very long time. I didn't realize how many pieces of myself had been taken, until I started getting them back. Horses were a huge part of my life, but for a time I had lost all joy in them. You actually nailed it, snftrs2, I named Phoenix what I did because she was a symbol of a journey towards finding myself again.
Sometimes it helps me to process my emotions by writing. Awhile back I wrote a short "story" for myself about Phoenix to help with the processing. As I said there, "I am a Phoenix, and from the ashes I will rise."

Congratulations on starting the new chapter in your life!!

How excellent that you live in Independence...

Happy New Life

Good going, gal!

Congratulations! It sucks that your process was so awful. Here I just had to fill out a series of forms, serve my STBX and wait 30 days.